Owner of a Lonely Heart: Two Sure Fire Ways to Annoy Women on Valentines
Remember that 80’s song “Owner of a Lonely Heart”? The band sang that it’s “better to be the owner of a lonely heart than it is to be the owner of a broken heart.” But Shakespeare said that it’s “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” Such conflicting thoughts are confusing to a single woman like me!
As a Christian single woman, I often hear my married friends say, “Well, Jesus is your husband; you’ve got Him.” And while this is true, it can feel less than helpful at times. There’s nothing “wrong with me.” I’m single. I’m not sick. I will survive Valentines, but it might be helpful to be aware:
Two Sure Fire Ways to Annoy (Most) Women on Valentines:
1. Ask single women why they’re still single. Then, furrow your brow in confusion.
2. Remind a lonely woman that Jesus is her Husband. (Quote the Scripture, but don’t take time to include her or pray for her.)
And while I could quote the verses that Jesus is my Eternal Husband, too, … it’s also fair for me to long for someone to feel, an earthly husband. Jesus is not here to cuddle with at night, to kiss me in the morning, or to rub my back when I feel tense.
Last year I experienced a deep, dark valley in my life. I recall many days where I would just sit on my couch and say, “Lord, this loneliness is killing me!” I felt so disconnected from my friends, my church and even God. I was desperate to feel a sense of connection with anyone, but I didn’t.
So I did the only thing I knew to do, I went to God in prayer. I sought His face and begged Him to help me sense His presence and affection. I wanted to desperately feel His presence in my life.
During that time, the Holy Spirit showed me some things:
First of all, I realized that loneliness is a state of being, not a station in life.
Often married women who have a house full of kids are still lonely. A friend of mine who is married has expressed that to me before. People who work in big offices or work from home can both be lonely. In short, I learned that loneliness is not the absence of others, but it is a sense of disconnectedness and isolation from God and others, irrespective of circumstances. These feelings can come as a result of being alone too much, experiencing rejection, or a sense of feeling unloved.
The Psalmist knew that feeling well. He said:
“Look and see, there is no one at my right hand; no one is concerned for me. I have no refuge; no one cares for my life” (Psalm 142:4, NIV).
From that day forward, my prayers changed. I began to ask the Lord to let the Truth of His love sink deep in my soul. I prayed He would help me sense His peace and presence in my life. I prayed that He would flood my heart with His love, and He was faithful to answer. He gave me two verses that I deeply cherish and read until they sank deep into my soul:
“Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me” (Ps 27:10, NIV).
“Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me on pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance” (Ps 6:5-6, NIV).”
Second thing I learned: pursue love even when it doesn’t seem to be pursuing me.
I made a list of all the people I knew really cared about me and loved me. I thanked the Lord for these people and decided I would make a concerted effort to be around them more. I made a concerted effort to focus on those who love me rather than spend my energy on those who don’t. I began to invite friends to a movie or over for dinner. I decided to “pursue loving” others rather than waiting around to love one man (1 Cor 14:1).
So, I’d like to offer my own public service announcement:
Two Sure Ways to Sweeten Any Woman’s V-Day:
1. Pass on preaching to a lonely soul; pray for her to sense God’s tangible love instead.
2. Pursue loving singles, couples and families. (Include a mix at your next group movie or dinner party.)
On another note: I know some of you may be experiencing a feeling of disconnection and isolation because you are not sensing love from your own spouse. Rather than return this grief with a greater loss and ignore him or find someone else, take your loneliness to the Lord in prayer. And while you wait, foster healthy, strong relationships with other women that you know will encourage you. Let your girlfriends bless you with their love and prayers.
So whether your social media status reads “single, in a relationship, or married,” we will all go through bouts of loneliness. During those times, press into God and
ask Him to help you sense more of His love for you. And surround yourself with friends who love you and encourage you. Pursue loving them, too!
by Rockie Naser with Shabby Chic Ministries
Take a moment and talk to God now: Father, please fill the ache in my heart. I ask that You would make Your presence manifest to me. Please lead me to the love I long for in Your Son and in a healthy community. Gift me with Your love to overflowing, so that I might be a conduit of love to others as well.Ask Yourself: ♥ Do you feel lonely because of a specific circumstance, location, or station in life? ♥ Isaiah actually said, “For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name…” (Isa 54:5) Are you fully satisfied in God’s love for you? If not, why? ♥ Check out more on God’s Love: 1 John4:7-11 ♥ Who loves you and prays for you? What is one specific way which you can pursue loving someone else in any stage of life? ♥ If you’re single, what’s one thing you wish people wouldn’t ask you about your singleness? Share in the comments below: